The Age Old Question

Written by Valerie Bevilacqua

Are People Untrustworthy, or Are We Just Plain Naïve? 

It’s like they say: these days, you can’t trust anybody. Actually, it’s a question, as to whether we could - or should - have ever trusted anybody at all. I mean, whether it was 5 years ago or 500 years ago, the essence of humanity has always been the same. We try to relate to our species through trusting them, yet, somehow, competition to be the best of our species - hence Darwin’s survival of the fittest theory - pushes us to fight and fend for ourselves, leading us to not trust who can take away from us…

The question is where to draw the line with trust. How do you know who and when to trust? Well, let’s start defining trust. To me, trust is something that is earned, when one shows that they can participate in good deeds for another person, fulfill responsibilities with successful results, uphold positive intentions for the individual…Since we never know what someone is capable of, we get to know the person, so we can expect or predict what they could be capable of…If we see what they’re capable of is good, we expect them to be good, and then develop trust for them…
 
But, sometimes, the “good” thing is all just an act. It’s safe to say that one of the hardest things may be distinguishing the good apples from the bad apples. So, we often fall into situations where we misinterpret someone’s vengeance for innocent vulnerability or human anger, and are caught in the middle: manipulated, abused, or worse.

It’s hard to know when people are being deceptive, when there is little evidence to base it on. Even if we think we know someone well enough - even if we think they’re our friends - we try to respect their privacy. This year, I’ve had a few friends tell me that they’ve been experiencing financial, health, and educational issues. Often, I’d help them out, in fear of feeling guilty or being reprimanded, if I didn’t do so. I didn’t want to invade their personal space by going through their stuff to see if they were really failing each assignment, etc. or if they really didn’t have any spare change in their wallets, but I did investigate thoroughly, through social networking devices, such as Facebook, where they permitted me to see what they were “doing.” One “friend” even told me he was suffering from cancer, tried to commit suicide, and knew what happened to someone from school who died recently. When I investigated the evidence that was presented to me - I.e. he was still somehow online on Facebook, when he was “in the hospital” - others often told me I was naïve, and that I will continue to get involved, if I’m this trusting.
 
But, this is where people are wrong. It’s not trusting or naïve, if we question what people say and do, then investigate it. In fact, to believe one thing without questioning makes someone the most naïve of them all, because even if you were to say you didn’t believe in anything, that belief to not believe in anything is a belief in itself. If we are completely believing something - even if it’s something no one directly says - that’s also considered being naïve. Either way, we are going to partially believe or wholly believe different things, so we are all naïve to a certain extent.
 
But, the way to be the least naïve is to question everything, so then you’re not just believing one thing, but believing and not believing different aspects of it. In other words, you still haven’t fully decided on what to believe, in order to be believing anything or everything, or, in other words, to be naïve. Yes, it’s time-consuming, and, yes, maybe people want to confuse you, by placing false, contradicting evidence on Facebook and such. But, you gotta take what’s in front of you. Question what you hear, so you can consider whether you’re living a lie, before it’s too late. Question the accuracy of words and the people who say them. Question everything, so you can save yourself from believing what could only be one side or not even part of the truth. And, remember, it’s not being naïve in asking, but only believing. Remember that you cannot know everything -because we are all naïve in that sense - but you can still learn and know more, by asking.
 
So, in order to evaluate when and who to trust, you have to ask yourself certain questions. Does the behaviour of the person match what others say he did, or what he says he did? Has he ever lied to you before? Has he done significantly unethical things in the past? How has he been treating you? But, also remember that there are certain things you may not be able to prove, things that you may not be able to see - if he’s a certain way with everyone, what he’s really thing, etc.. So stop frustrating yourself with too many questions, if you really believe this person won’t compromise your safety any longer, if you threaten to not believe them. At that point, lose contact gradually. Avoid this person.
 
So, in general, build trust for a person slowly, if they show they deserve it. And even if they earned your trust, take those questioning precautions consistently. And if even one time they dare to betray your trust slightly, let them know, but place certain communication restrictions, thereby after. Because you may never learn what a person is all capable of, and maybe they are just too untrustworthy, sinister people. And maybe you do find yourself in situations where you may be too naïve…Only God can judge…